A Talk with My Parents Around Our Holiday Table

Posted by Alex Nadworny on Fri, Dec 14, 2018 @ 06:30 AM

A Talk with My Parents Around Our Holiday Table

A Sibling's Story: Thanksgiving, 2012

by Alex Nadworny

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It was the first Thanksgiving in a long time where it was just the five of us: Ben, me, Dad, Mom and James, around the table. We gave thanks for all we had and the feasting began.  We ate and talked and laughed until we were as stuffed as Thanksgiving turkeys ourselves. We settled into post-dinner conversation and everyone was relaxed and in a great mood, when I heard myself say to my parents, “Where will James live when you are gone?”

Ben & jamesImmediately Ben replied, “He’s living with me.”

To which I said, “No, with me.”

To which my Dad said, “No way he’s living with either of you!”

This question had been on my mind. I loved James and would do anything for him, but I didn’t know exactly what being his caregiver would entail and how it would impact my life.  I have never been concerned about the planning for my brother; this was a given as my Dad is a professional financial planner and my Mom is an advocate and support group leader. But no one had ever asked me what I wanted for James.

 I knew my parents were handling things from a big picture perspective, like building a home for James, but I wanted to know more about what was involved with supporting his day-to-day life.  My Mom kept a detailed schedule of James’ activities but there was something missing: the many things James required, big and small, that she and my Dad did every day.

Alex & james_cropped Our family always talked about everything and I felt comfortable asking my parents anything; there were never any communication barriers. In this case, it was harder for my parents to hear this question than it was for me to ask it.  While they had a plan all mapped out in their minds, they had avoided talking with Ben and me about our future roles in James’ life. Like many parents, they assumed that caring for James would place a burden upon us and they were not ready to have that conversation. I felt differently; I wanted to know what the plan was and to be empowered to shape my role in James’ life.

 In many families, adult children who have a sibling with special needs have their own lives and for varying reasons, really don’t want to be involved in a hands-on manner; they may live a distance away, have family obligations of their own and/or a demanding career. Still, talking about the who, what, and where of the future support plans for their sibling is an essential conversation to have. A sibling’s expectation does not need to be that they will be a caregiver or have to change their life.  It is a wonderful role to be just a brother or sister. 

 The truth is that while every family is different, this conversation always needs to happen. This holiday season, if the atmosphere is right, and you know what you want to say, respectfully start talking! 

Download our Holiday Tips for Family Talks here 

 

 

Tags: families with special needs, siblings, guardianship, planning for a future after parents are gone, parents of people with disabilities

Guardianship Workshop -Tomorrow Night 1/14

Posted by Patty Manko on Tue, Jan 13, 2015 @ 04:58 PM

 

Join us!   Presentation is at 7 PM in Burlington.

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Knowledge and Tips for Guardians Panel Presentation

Posted by Patty Manko on Thu, Jan 01, 2015 @ 09:00 AM

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Top Ten "Need to Knows" about Guardianship

Posted by Patty Manko on Mon, Dec 08, 2014 @ 12:47 PM

Our list of the top ten questions about guardianship:

  1. James_,_alex,_roxy_copy_2What is guardianship?
  2. What is conservatorship?
  3. When is guardianship or conservatorship appropriate?
  4. What are the alternatives to guardianship?
  5. What are the key roles and responsibilities of a guardian?
  6. What are the qualities to look for when selecting a guardian?
  7. How long do the responsibilities last?
  8. How much does it cost?
  9. How and when do you ask someone to be a guardian?
  10. How and when do you introduce the guardian to your child?
These questions and more will be discussed at our Ask the Experts Panel discussion on Wednesday, December 10.  
See the flyer below and RSVP today to reserve your space.
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Guardianship Panel Discussion: Wednesday, December 10

Posted by Patty Manko on Tue, Nov 25, 2014 @ 04:57 PM

 

What is guardianship?

Guardianship is a legal means of protecting children and  "incompetent adults" (in legal terms, adults who cannot take care of themselves, make decisions that are in their own best interest, or handle their assets due to a physical or mental disability).

  • A guardian of the person is responsible for monitoring the care of the person with disabilities to ensure that the individual is receiving proper care and supervision. The guardian is responsible for decisions regarding most medical care, education, and vocational issues.
  • Guardians are approved and appointed by the court. Guardianships are also supervised by the court. The guardian provides a report on the status of the individual to the court annually.
  • In general, the guardian or conservator is responsible for handling the individual's financial resources, but is not personally financially responsible for them from his or her own resources.
  • If an individual with a disability is capable of making some but not all decisions, alternatives to guardianship should be considered.

Attend our "Ask the Experts" panel discussion to find out what you need to know about guardianship.

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Guardianship Considerations for Individuals with Disabilities

Posted by Patricia Manko on Thu, Jul 11, 2013 @ 01:47 PM

describe the imageGuardianship is a legal means of protecting children and  "incompetent adults" (in legal terms, adults who cannot take care of themselves, make decisions that are in their own best interest, or handle their assets due to a physical or mental disability). When the court determines that a person is incapable of handling either their personal or financial affairs a guardian will be appointed.

The subject of guardianship for an adult child with disabilities is of concern to most parents. Parents of children with severe disabilities often assume that they can continue to be their adult child's legal guardian during the child's entire life.

Although it may be obvious to a parent that a child does not have the capacity to make informed decisions, legally an adult is presumed competent unless otherwise determined to be incompetent after a competency proceeding. Once an individual reaches the age of 18, the parent is no longer the individual's legal guardian. Parents need to explore legal options available to protect their child from unscrupulous individuals who may exploit their child's inability to make informed choices.

Download a template for your Letter of Intent

Some things to know when considering guardianship:

a. A guardian of the person is responsible for monitoring the care of the person with disabilities to ensure that the individual is receiving proper care and supervision. The guardian is responsible for decisions regarding most medical care, education, and vocational issues.

b. A guardian of the estate or conservatorship should be considered for a person with disabilities who is unable to manage their finances and have income from sources other than benefit checks, or have other assets and/or property.

c. A guardianship may be limited to certain areas of decision making, such as decisions about medical treatment or medications in order to allow the individual to continue making their own decisions in all other areas.

d. A temporary guardian or conservator may be appointed in an emergency situation when certain decisions must be made immediately.

If an individual with a disability is capable of making some but not all decisions, one or more of the alternatives to guardianship discussed here should be considered. These alternatives to guardianship are listed from least restrictive to most restrictive:

1. A joint bank account can be created to prevent rash expenditures. Arrangements can be made with most banks for benefits checks, such as Social Security or SSI payments, to be sent directly to the bank for deposit. (Remember to keep this account balance below $2,000.)

2. A representative payee can be named to manage the funds of a person with a disability who receives benefits checks from Social Security, Railroad Retirement, or the Veterans Benefits Administration. Benefits checks are sent to the representative payee.

3. A durable power of attorney (POA) for property is a legal document that grants one person the legal authority to handle the financial affairs of another. Generally, the use of a POA should be used when the individual with disabilities has the capacity to make basic meaningful decisions and does not require full guardianship but may not be able to make complex financial decisions without support.

4. A durable POA for health care, also known as a health care proxy, should be considered for individuals who are presently capable of making decisions about their health care and wish to anticipate possibly future incompetence.

5. An appointment of advocate and authorization allows a person with a disability to designate an agent to advocate on his or her behalf with administrative agencies such as the state department of cognitive disability, the department of mental health services, or the department of medical assistance.

6. Trusts may be an appropriate alternative to appointment of guardian in some circumstances. A trust is a legal plan for placing funds and other assets in the control of a trustee for the benefit of an individual with a disability - or even for those with no known disability.

7. As mentioned previously, guardianship is an option for persons who, because of mental illness, developmental disability, or physical disability, lack sufficient understanding or capacity to make or communicate responsible decisions concerning their care and financial affairs. Guardians are approved and appointed by the court. Guardianships are also supervised by the court. The guardian provides a report on the status of the individual to the court annually.

In general, the guardian or conservator is responsible for handling the individual's financial resources, but is not personally financially responsible for them from his or her own resources.

This list of alternatives to guardianship is not exhaustive, but worth speaking with an attorney about. As with all legal decisions, we suggest you seek legal advice from an attorney who is knowledgeable in disability law in the individual's state of residence.

Contact us for  further information

Tags: Special Needs Trusts, Special Needs Financial Planning, special needs Letter of Intent, guardianship

The Letter of Intent and Your Child

Posted by Patricia Manko on Thu, Jun 20, 2013 @ 03:42 PM

guardianshipThe most important asset your child has is YOU.

Think for a moment about the specific instructions or guidelines you give to your child or his or her caregiver when you leave for just an evening out or a weekend away.Imagine if you never came back. 

Many families need a catalyst to encourage them to begin the planning process. A Letter of Intent simplifies the planning process by initially asking basic biographic information and progresses to more thoughtful and provoking questions. Since developing the Five Factors of comprehensive special needs planning, we have reorganized the content based upon these key elements in planning for your child’s future. By completing a Letter of Intent for your family member, you will begin to develop goals and objectives to assist you in the overall planning process. Ultimately, it will provide the details required for future caregivers to fulfill their expected roles based upon your desires and concerns.

No matter who you have entrusted to care for your child when you are gone—sibling, friend, relative, trustee, guardian, or organization—you can help guide that person by providing them the knowledge that only you, as a parent, possess. This is not a legally binding document, but it is still perhaps one of the most important documents you can prepare for the future well-being of your child. This is an opportunity to leave a legacy of all that you have accomplished with your child.

You need to periodically review and revise this Letter of Intent, perhaps on your child’s birthday, making certain to provide your child’s future caregiver with an updated copy. As every child is unique, so should this document be unique. Feel free to expand where needed and omit areas that are not applicable. Be flexible, be clear, and feel free to make it as personal as you wish.

To download a blank sample Letter of Intent, click on the image below.

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Tags: Special Needs Financial Planning, Letter of Intent, special needs Letter of Intent, guardianship, Trustee Services

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